What has three legs and a tit?
A drum stool
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Did you hear about the bass player who was so out of tune his section noticed

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How can you tell which kid on a playground is the child of a trombonist?
He doesn't know how to use the slide, and he can't swing.

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What is the dynamic range of the bass trombone?
On or off.

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How do you get your Cornet section to sound like the horn section?
Have them miss every other note.
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Mum.....I want to be a Soprano Cornet Player when I grow up.

Well I'm sorry but you can't do both !!
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What's the difference between a tenor horn and a chain saw?

Vibrato, though you can minimize this difference by holding the chain saw very still.
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What is a gentleman?

Somebody who knows how to play the sop, but doesn't.

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Why can't a gorilla play cornet?

He's too sensitive.
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What do trombonists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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Why do drummers always have trouble entering a room ?

They never know when to come in.
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What's the best way to confuse a drummer?

Put a sheet of music in front of him.
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A Brass Band like most others was plagued by attendance problems. Several musicians were absent at each rehearsal. As a matter of fact, every player in the band had missed several rehearsals, except for one very faithful cornet player. Finally, as the last contest practise drew to a close, the conductor took a moment to thank the player for her faithful attendance. She, of course, humbly responded "It's the least I could do, since I won't be at the Contest."